I am truly sorry if this disturbs you or causes you discomfort.
I am not looking to be your
father mother son daughter
brother sister
aunt uncle niece nephew
lover
teacher caregiver care receiver
husband wife savior
hair colorist yogi artist
friend enemy
lender borrower
role model aspirant
top bottom
protector provider
student guru disciple
employer employee
patient client
discipline indulgence
healer
audience entertainer
fan club adorer worshiper
shaman sage
one who helps you avoid pain
one who helps you face pain
nor am I looking for you to be any of these things
What I would prefer is to just simply allow each other to be beyond all of these things
naked
exposed
vulnerable
alive
free to be it all
or nothing
or both
or neither
together or apart.
I do not expect you (or anyone) to want the same things as I;
nor do I expect you to live, love, or worship in the same way.
Although I do not always remember it,
differences do not separate.
I accept the fact that I may always feel that I have failed to inspire others to join me.
I do not know what is right for you
I do not know what you should eat, wear,
how you should act, work, love, sleep, move, hold your body,
spend your money, time or attention.
It is not my place to tell anyone else when, where, how, why, or what to be or say or think or do.
The only thing I can do is devote time and attention to experimenting with these things
and live a humble, visible and vulnerable existence.
I am sorry if this disappoints you.
Perhaps you were expecting me to help you find that one thing
or combination of things
that you can do or be that will solve everything or even just one thing;
or perhaps you would like me to be or find the person or circumstance that is responsible for your suffering or the suffering of someone you love;
or perhaps you would like me to subscribe to a certain way of life or perform some action that you believe will help me or you or the world;
or perhaps you would simply like me to listen to your stories, complaints, and problems or agree with or debate your story of yourself and the world and your ideas of what is good and bad, right and wrong, just and unjust, fair and unfair;
or perhaps you were looking to me
to alleviate your pain
or pay your bills
or organize your life
or help you feel more secure
or give you money to shop
or satisfy your craving for physical contact
or fix your hair
or make what you see in the mirror more pleasing to you
or serve as a target for the expression of anger that you feel
or distract you from feeling lonely, sad, unhappy, or anxious
and perhaps I will appear to do one of these things
which may seem to help you
but looking to me (or anyone or anything else for that matter) will not truly help.
It is all only temporary.
As I see it, there is no substitute for simply standing naked, exposed, and alone,
experiencing whatever is.
This is one thing (and perhaps the only thing of any real value) that I have come to know.
If I am wise
regardless of what action occurs,
I remember OM
which purges me of selfish attachment and desire and fear
and helps me
to forget my past experiences and personal achievements
and relinquish the desire to feel like I have accomplished anything
or had any impact on the world whatsoever
and reminds me
of who I truly am
and that everything manifest, no matter how gross or subtle ,
is temporary and changing
and that separation is only perceived
and that no one owes anyone anything
and that in reality, neither the world nor this body truly exists
and that evolution and progress are illusions
and that whatever is is exactly appropriate and sufficient
and that there is nothing to be gained or lost
and that neither action nor inaction nor even the perfect balance of both brings lasting happiness
and that everything
within me and outside of me and containing me
is OM.
I am nothing in particular, yet I am.
In truth, neither you nor I are in the world, but rather, the world is within you and me; time and space are within you and me.
Tom may always experience unfulfilled craving, hunger, and desire
to be truly naked with others
to see others as they truly are, and to help them see themselves as they truly are
to truly renounce everything
to live courageously
to master effortlessness
to be vulnerable
to perform a truly selfless, unselfish action
to truly and consistently maintain Brahmacharya, Ahimsa, and Tapas
to live and die for Om and only Om.
Tom may always experience fear
of not achieving something
of being caught in a painful situation that he cannot handle
of taking his last breath at the same moment that he realizes that he has failed to truly love.
The gross and subtle bodies experience and express their urges, desires, fears, pleasures, and pains.
All desire originates from the longing for the Self.
All fear originates from the estrangement from the Self.
Tom is born and dies,
remembers and forgets,
falls down and gets up over and over and over and over and over,
putting forth effort,
experimenting with austerity and indulgence,
trying the same and differing roles and patterns of behavior,
acting and not acting,
experimenting with the sacred as well as the profane,
the exalted as well as the mundane,
all for the sake of turiya,
OM,
love,
the Self
forever, if need be.