Here we go again
the anger never really goes away
the sadness never really goes away
the emotions that I don’t like
that I still desire to get rid of on some level
the pain never really goes away
and the pain seems to be existence itself as the mind/body perceives it
An infinite number of times I am shown truth (as I experience it);
I cannot depend on external circumstance to be how I want it to be
not money, not other people, not my environment, not the body, not the mind, not the weather, not the news, not the senses, not the breath, not even voluntary or involuntary bodily functions;
all are ever changing incessantly, and do not bring peace
my mind just won’t learn, and is ultimately not designed to be truly happy
And so, I know that I will need to practice forever, as I know that I must direct these energies constructively or else they will cause pain and suffering to myself and others
As I realize that all of the things that disturb and destroy and bother me are in truth a reflection of the inner reality; they are me, regardless of how foreign or alien they may seem to appear. Only love that transcends the differences will truly heal. The advice that I want to offer I can only take and embody, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing.
Ultimately, the egoism that has created the mess is transcended, life flows with or without it, but more easily without it.
Is there a time/place for this darkness?
Can I love it and/or be it with compassion, without being consumed by it?