I realize that there is no end and no final state of comfort and stability in the mode of existence called “me in the world”.
I’m looking for something from the world, money, body, mind, intelligence, words, stories, memories, life, practice, virtue, vice, relationships, emotions, experience, knowledge, the familiar and unfamiliar that just isn’t there. Eternal and uninterrupted satisfaction, dissatisfaction, pleasure, pain, stability, permission, paradise, a true and complete definition of myself are not found there.
I am love, I am everything
I am wisdom, I am nothing
Life flows on and on
and “the work” is never done. When will I stop my bull shit, tantrums, and avoidance and truly accept that? Will I ever make peace with the to do list?
there is no body nor a world to contain it, only a mental condition, a dream-like state which is dispelled by questioning its reality. Lately, I obsessively and continually question its reality.
neither perfect sattvic action nor inaction bring lasting pleasure or liberation