I keep on with the practice
and it looks like I will always do so (successfully and unsuccessfully, alone and with others, in conventional and unconventional ways, in public and private, on gross and subtle levels)
even as I see the vast expanse of lies and self-delusion
which seems to have no end
and belongs to “me” and all of us
but no one in particular
Does anyone have the remedy for the addiction trap
that we live called life
that we create
maintain
and destroy
create, maintain, destroy
create, maintain, destroy?
If I found it, would I take it?
Am I just attempting to avoid the pain through my so-called yoga practice and attempts at meditation?
Am I avoiding taking responsibility for my actions and decisions?
Did I really just eat bitter chocolate in hopes of having that feeling that I had last time?
Did I really just take an aspirin and turn on the TV in hopes of numbing the recurring sadness and anger?
Did I really spend a few hours doing yoga instead of facing the mess I have made and working on my to-do list?
When will I really surrender all of my petty bullshit selfish desires?
Is that even possible here and now
in New York City
in 2022?
Is it even possible to perform a truly compassionate act of sacrifice, and if I achieved it, what then? So many have achieved already, and much more is always to be done.
Am I living to attempt Om, Truth, Love, or merely deluding myself?
One Fucking True Thing
beyond likes dislikes pleasure pain desires fears
(my own and other’s)
We’re all “being false” to a certain extent, and that is apparently an essential part of a social contract that we all navigate and come to terms with in our own way, reconciling how we want things to be to how they actually are. What we set out to manifest to what we actually have manifested. What we think we are to what we actually are. What we think we see to what actually is. Balancing the personal and the social. The manifest and the unmanifest.
I can’t honestly say that I really like what I see when I look around externally and internally, and that’s exactly how it should be. I can only attempt love by acknowledging that it is all me and attempting to truly accept, sometimes acting to change, sometimes sustain, sometimes endure, sometimes just stay aware of the illusion of success and failure, ownership, cause and effect.