Recently, and at the current moment,
I am not aware of any particular expectation that I have for our time together.
not healing
not erotic
not sensual
not giving
not receiving
not pleasure
not pain
not emotional
not dramatic
not sacred
not profane
not experiencing any particular type of connection on any particular energetic or physical level
What I truly desire is not to be found in anything manifest, no matter how gross or subtle or exquisite or sublime the experience or thing may be.
This desire, which lies at the root of all others,
is what I have come to value most
it is what motivates me to play with body, breath, mind and ego and pursue simplicity, nature, nakedness, renunciation and nonattachment
it is what brings on the spontaneous tears when I feel it in my heart
it is what brings tremendous rage when I feel the chains that bind me and seem to prevent me from experiencing it fully
And so, I say now
that I am just here to attempt to share some time of nakedness, knowing that I can only aspire to do so, as neither I (nor anyone, no matter how wise or noble) can ever be completely certain that I am free of expectation and attachment until the fruits of the experience are manifest, and even then the limited view of mind-ego cannot know for sure
I can only attempt to let the bitter and the sweet results happen, experiencing them and sharing them with some form of equanimity and then let them go as they eventually pass