And so the longing for Om/Truth continues, as do the karma and bondage, tears and anger
The cycle of abuse that I live continues; close examination and persistent effort require that I admit that I cannot truly stop my participation for any lasting time.
The endless cycle of hope and disappointment which is the inevitable fruit of goal-oriented life and looking to sensory experience for happiness
The endless pursuit of true renunciation and control of the senses, succeeding and failing over and over and over
The endless stream of lies that the mind tells me, pointing out other people’s flaws and imperfections, oblivious to my own, blaming others for the pain and suffering that is just as much mine as theirs
Searching for self discipline that is not charged with selfishness
Searching for the “no” that is not defined in terms of deprivation and resistance, nor tainted by desire to avoid pain or experience pleasure
The “no” that resides beyond the opposites of pain and pleasure, profit and loss, success and failure
The “no” that seems to be available only after all possibilities are exhausted
The “no” that seems to be more and more elusive in the current time-space, even to those who are very wise and compassionate.
And so it continues, the longing for universal and true love.
Searching for the “yes” that is motivated by true compassion, unincumbered by personal desires, passion and ignorance
Striving for perfect, sattvic sacrifice untainted by hidden motives of profit and self-interest.
Striving to express and experience love that is beyond small and petty self-concern.
Striving to embody the appropriate balance of love and wisdom, abstinence and indulgence.
Striving for complete and true ahimsa, which seems to be very difficult, if not impossible to achieve in the current time-space.
I surrender to eternity when I accept that the journey is the goal; it is an ongoing endeavor of finding the appropriate balance
of action and inaction,
effort and surrender,
freedom and bondage,
contemplation and activity,
giving and receiving,
holding and releasing,
happiness and sadness,
consciousness and unconsciousness,
enlightenment and ignorance,
clarity and confusion,
war and peace,
sacred and profane,
exalted and mundane,
creation and destruction,
preservation and transformation
It is unavoidable and eternal, accepting the false while desiring the true.
I am nothing
I am everything
And life flows on and on.